Looking for a one-bedroom apartment or studio
I think my frustration at not being able to find an affordable apartment that takes cats is sabotaging my ability to take the process seriously
Lady: "Yorkshire Apartments, "lady's name" speaking, how may I help you?"
Me: "Hi, I'm looking for a one-bedroom apartment or studio."
Lady: "When were you planning on moving?"
Me: "I can move immediately."
Lady: "Well, I have a 1-bedroom, 890 square feet, for $1005/mo, utilities included."
Me: "Dawsome. Totally dawsome buddy."
Lady: "Excuse me?"
Me: "I said, 'great.' Hey, do you take cats?"
Lady: "I'm sorry, no we don't."
Me: "siiiigh...ok...well, how about apes?"
Me: "Yeah, I got apes. The cats, I can ditch those, but I gotta keep the apes. They'll fricken starve out there."
Lady: "Well, I don't--"
Me: "I know, probably ought to get a two-bedroom for them, but they're cool with the cage right now so I'm gonna ride it out. They're clean though, and they wear diapers."
Lady: " I'm sorry, but we don't allow pets of any kind."
Me: "I'd dispute whether they were pets or not. They're basically just short, hairy people, and I trained them to brush their teeth. They can't do math or anything like one of those horses, but it's not like they need a driver's license to lose the 'pet' stigma. Are you sure?"
Lady: "Yes, I'm sorry."
Me: "oh. OK, well, bye."