Thursday, July 30, 2009

Looking for a one-bedroom apartment or studio

I think my frustration at not being able to find an affordable apartment that takes cats is sabotaging my ability to take the process seriously


Lady: "Yorkshire Apartments, "lady's name" speaking, how may I help you?"

Me: "Hi, I'm looking for a one-bedroom apartment or studio."

Lady: "When were you planning on moving?"

Me: "I can move immediately."

Lady: "Well, I have a 1-bedroom, 890 square feet, for $1005/mo, utilities included."

Me: "Dawsome. Totally dawsome buddy."

Lady: "Excuse me?"

Me: "I said, 'great.' Hey, do you take cats?"

Lady: "I'm sorry, no we don't."

Me: "siiiigh...ok...well, how about apes?"

Lady: "......apes?"

Me: "Yeah, I got apes. The cats, I can ditch those, but I gotta keep the apes. They'll fricken starve out there."

Lady: "Well, I don't--"

Me: "I know, probably ought to get a two-bedroom for them, but they're cool with the cage right now so I'm gonna ride it out. They're clean though, and they wear diapers."

Lady: " I'm sorry, but we don't allow pets of any kind."

Me: "I'd dispute whether they were pets or not. They're basically just short, hairy people, and I trained them to brush their teeth. They can't do math or anything like one of those horses, but it's not like they need a driver's license to lose the 'pet' stigma. Are you sure?"

Lady: "Yes, I'm sorry."

Me: "oh. OK, well, bye."